Divorce London
Separation and diivorce is a growing phenomenon in later life, in fact the highest divorce rate is now amongst the over 50s. In part this reflects that more of this generation are married compared to younger people, but is also a result of increased life expectancy. Faced with an empty nest but still many years of life ahead, many older people decide that there is still time to find new happiness and fulfilment outside their marriage and seek a divorce. How this is handled can have a significant impact on the emotions, and physical and financial situation of all concerned.
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Divorce
Separation and divorce may be the culmination of a gradual long-term process of boredom, and dissatisfaction and the realisation that you and your partner have irrevocably grown apart, have little love or enthusiasm for each other and few shared interests. The problem occurs if only one partner feels this. One or both partners may even have got to the stage of starting a relationship with someone else which may be the impetus for finally ending the relationship. This can be hurtful and shocking if it is suddenly revealed and the “wronged” partner is forced to consider how they will respond.
Many divorces in the over 50s are initiated by women who are seeking self-fulfilment and independence after what they view as a lifetime of subjugating their wants and needs to those of their husband and family. If you are a woman in this situation don’t think of divorce as the only option. Often you can achieve a great deal by really talking things through with your husband and making it clear that you both need to make some serious changes. A trial separation may help. Work towards achieving clarity for both of you about the future and what is and isn’t possible.
If you do decide ultimately that divorce is the only option, the wisdom and stoicism that generally goes with being older should mean that, with the right spirit and intention, divorce can be conducted in an adult, civilised and amicable manner. Always bear in mind that your partner, regardless of how they have behaved recently, has been your friend and supporter for many years and you have a shared history and family life that is worth respecting.
There are many practical implications of divorcing in later life and you should seek legal advice on the issues involved. This need not mean going through an acrimonious court case, rather you should seek to reach a mutually agreed settlement which will be implemented by your lawyers. Each of you should have your own solicitor to protect your individual interests, but try and agree as much as possible between you outside the lawyers’ offices to reduce acrimony and eventual costs. Financial security at this age will be a key area, so property, pensions and any future earnings – of either party – will all be taken into account.
During the period leading up to the divorce, relationship counselling may be suitable for some and can help with achieving understanding and acceptance of what is taking place. After the divorce, support groups can be helpful for those who feel vulnerable and isolated, providing contact, friendship and support from those who have gone through a similar experience. Personal therapy may be helpful in the longer term for those who are suffering with issues of self-esteem or depression.
Once the decision to divorce has been agreed you need to take time to really consider who you are and the type of life you now want to lead. After decades of marriage it is easy to lose your identity outside of being someone’s spouse or parent. Now is the time to be who you want to be. One of the undoubted benefits of later life divorce is the freedom it grants you to do what you want regardless of what anyone else thinks.
Now is the time to keep in touch with children (and grandchildren) although they themselves may be having difficulty adjusting to your divorce. Relationships with some friends may be difficult if they have always known you as part of a couple. Keep busy and occupied with activities that interest you and make the effort to go out and join clubs and societies that hold activities based around a particular interest. Be adventurous. Take up new learning experiences, and contemplate singles holidays. All of these are excellent ways of helping you see your situation in a new light, and of building the foundations of a new life after divorce.
Many divorces in the over 50s are initiated by women who are seeking self-fulfilment and independence after what they view as a lifetime of subjugating their wants and needs to those of their husband and family. If you are a woman in this situation don’t think of divorce as the only option. Often you can achieve a great deal by really talking things through with your husband and making it clear that you both need to make some serious changes. A trial separation may help. Work towards achieving clarity for both of you about the future and what is and isn’t possible.
If you do decide ultimately that divorce is the only option, the wisdom and stoicism that generally goes with being older should mean that, with the right spirit and intention, divorce can be conducted in an adult, civilised and amicable manner. Always bear in mind that your partner, regardless of how they have behaved recently, has been your friend and supporter for many years and you have a shared history and family life that is worth respecting.
There are many practical implications of divorcing in later life and you should seek legal advice on the issues involved. This need not mean going through an acrimonious court case, rather you should seek to reach a mutually agreed settlement which will be implemented by your lawyers. Each of you should have your own solicitor to protect your individual interests, but try and agree as much as possible between you outside the lawyers’ offices to reduce acrimony and eventual costs. Financial security at this age will be a key area, so property, pensions and any future earnings – of either party – will all be taken into account.
During the period leading up to the divorce, relationship counselling may be suitable for some and can help with achieving understanding and acceptance of what is taking place. After the divorce, support groups can be helpful for those who feel vulnerable and isolated, providing contact, friendship and support from those who have gone through a similar experience. Personal therapy may be helpful in the longer term for those who are suffering with issues of self-esteem or depression.
Once the decision to divorce has been agreed you need to take time to really consider who you are and the type of life you now want to lead. After decades of marriage it is easy to lose your identity outside of being someone’s spouse or parent. Now is the time to be who you want to be. One of the undoubted benefits of later life divorce is the freedom it grants you to do what you want regardless of what anyone else thinks.
Now is the time to keep in touch with children (and grandchildren) although they themselves may be having difficulty adjusting to your divorce. Relationships with some friends may be difficult if they have always known you as part of a couple. Keep busy and occupied with activities that interest you and make the effort to go out and join clubs and societies that hold activities based around a particular interest. Be adventurous. Take up new learning experiences, and contemplate singles holidays. All of these are excellent ways of helping you see your situation in a new light, and of building the foundations of a new life after divorce.