How to Be a Good Grandparent Kendal

As with many things in life, being a good grandparent fundamentally comes down to three things: clarity about what you want, advance planning, and good communication.

These things have probably always applied to grandparenting. But these days as people become grandparents at a comparatively younger stage of life (though not necessarily a younger age), increasing numbers of younger women with children continue to work, and both men and women more equally adopt grandparenting roles, they are more important than ever.

Being a grandparent is a long-term role. In fact it won’t stop until you die, so it’s important to think through from the outset what sort of grandparent you want to be if you’re going to really shine in the role.

What sort of grandparent are you?

As we all know there’s a lot of stereotyping around grandparent roles: white hair, aprons, pipe and slippers, beaming smiles, open arms, infinite patience and joy… and lots of similar stuff.

Unfortunately if that’s not the way you see yourself you can feel inadequate right from the start. But there’s no need to be. Some of today’s most successful grandparents are rebellious, active, challenging, unpredictable, and terribly exciting – and they’re not even particularly young!

So if you want to be a glamorous grandma or grandad, or a biker, or an earth mother/father, or whatever else, it really doesn’t matter. Your grandchildren (who, remember, will never have known you as anything else) are bound to find you interesting, appealing, and alright by them whatever you are.

However – and this is where the good communication starts to come in – you are not alone in deciding on this role. The child’s parents and no doubt many others such as their in-laws, your partner, and perhaps your own parents, will also have their views on what sort of grandparent they’re expecting you to be, so this should ideally be aired and discussed well in advance.

You may have to agree to differ but at least being open about your views and approach should help avoid any unexpected conflict later on.

Childcare and commitment

Being open is particularly important when it comes to any commitment that other people may be expecting from you towards your grandchild in terms of care, financial support or anything else.

It can be disastrous to find out after the birth of a much-anticipated grandchild that there is also anticipation that you will look after it several days a week while its parents work.

Fine if that’s what you want. Bad news if not.

Equally, you may be hoping to be intimately involved in the infant’s upbringing while its parents are busily researching nannies, nurseries or even moving to Australia. All these hurdles can be overcome to everyone’s satisfaction in some form, but it does involve discussion and open communication at an early stage.

Planning and negotiating

Advance planning should be a watchword for a grandparent, both before the birth and at any subsequent stage. Make clear any offers you may wish to make to buy equipment or provide assistance, well in advance of the birth. Afterwards, be clear about when you will be available or not (for visits or baby sitting) and what commitments you have that are non-negotiable.

Jointly plan with the parents for things like holidays, birthdays and Christmas if there are likely to be issues. Don’t just assume – and remember if there are other grandparents they will have needs and wishes too.

Being a good grandparent involves a huge amount of joy, no little effort, and some occasional disappointments. Even though it is hugely rewarding and fulfilling in a way that even having your own children was not, evidence tends to show that the most successful grandparents over time are those who combine the role with maintaining their own active life.


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